Exersaucer!

Ryan's first journey into the exersaucer was a success -- he was less overwhelmed than Andrew was the first time. Hasn't figured out he can move in it yet though.
We were lucky enough to get video of it, including a great laugh -- really his first big laugh (he giggles and squeals plenty though).


Here's the video and some pictures:

Sleep

Well, the good news is that Ryan slept much better last night. The bad news is that he slept on his belly. Well, that's not really bad news, just makes us a little nervous, as he's much younger (about a month) than Andrew was when he started doing that. But one thing I do know is that once they decide they like to sleep on their belly, there isn't a thing you can do about it.

Ryan also sleeps LATE. I just woke him at 8. This would be fantastic if his big brother slept late, but he doesn't. Andrew's very good about following the "stay in your room until the number 7" rule - but he is always up before then, playing in his room or clubhouse. This poses a potential problem for us, as we have intended that the boys share a room once Ryan's sleeping through the night. Of course, Ryan may be waking earlier than that then too.

Rollin', rollin', rollin' . . .

Yep, Ryan's rolling. Not with great skill yet, but definatley on purpose. While he has rolled from belly to back for some time now, he seems to have forgotten that. Now he rolls from back to belly. And then gets stuck.

During awake time, no biggie -- he likes being on his tummy. I really think he likes tummy time more than back time. But in the crib, no way. Cries and cries. I was letting him try to "work it out" on his own during a nap yesterday (Mommy wanted to finish her lunch) and I finally went up to see him face down, (and I mean FACE down) sobbing into his mattress. Poor kid.

So my hopes of doing some sleep training this weekend are done, because I am 1) not at all comfortable with the idea of him sleeping on his belly and 2) until he either learns to roll back over again, or learns to LIKE sleeping on his belly (at which point I am defeated anyway) there is no point.

Oh well. Good thing I have my happy pills to get me through this (yesiree, I do believe they're working!)

He's 4 months old -- how'd that happen?

Man time flies. Ryan turned 4 months on Tuesday, and had his checkup yesterday. Not great on the weight front -- only put on 11oz in a month. But with the diaper on it was 3oz more (making a grand total of 14 lbs) and I had just put that on minutes before and he had JUST peed. So that should count, shouldn't it?

Not sure what I can do about it. I offer him food often, he nurses as long as he wants, and stops when he's done. He had been spitting up quite a bit for a few days, so maybe that's why. At least his poops look normal now.

He's also only 10th percentile in height. Sorry kid, bad genes. Andrew was almost a pound and a half heavier and over an inch longer at this point. Doesn't mean that Ryan won't tower over him someday!

So I have finally accepted that . . .

I have postpartum depression, and I'm getting help. I started Zoloft the other day and have a counseling appointment scheduled.

I don't know why it took me so long. I had it with Andrew too, and didn't really get help which was a shame. I finally saw a counselor about it when Andrew was about 7 months old and he chastised me that I should enjoy motherhood. Big help.

It has been getting worse lately (as it did with Andrew around 4 months) and I had a bit of a breakdown and panic attack the other evening so I knew it was time. I called my OB the next morning and got a prescription.

What does PPD do to me? Its not that I'm perpetually depressed, though I am to an extent. It makes me question my mothering skills constantly, (I have a running mantra of "I'm a terrible mommy" going on in my head) obsess over things (which you can probably tell if you read my other posts), and be really irritable. Poor Andrew and Steve bear the grunt of it -- I am often not a nice Mommy to Andrew and that is, in the end, what really drove me to get help. He's a great kid and I didn't want to ruin him. He deserves a nicer, saner Mommy than I have been. And Steve deserves a better wife. I have really unpleasant and irrational thoughts going through my head often, though thankfully none of hurting anyone, and none of suicide or anything.

So here's hoping the zoloft does me some good. They say it takes weeks before a change is really seen, hopefully it won't be too long.

A little note from Ryan

All Mommy seems to do on here is talk about my poop or my sleeping. Hey, guess what mom -- babies poop a lot and sleep a little. There you go.

I thought I'd talk about the other stuff I'm doing these days! Although I don't do it often, I can roll from belly to back (and have since 2.5 months!). I'm really big on rolling onto my side, and now like to sleep that way too. Also, when I'm doing tummytime I'm getting my tush up a bit and moving my legs alot causing my head to smash into the (very soft) mirror in front of me. Hmmm. Does that mean I'm moving? Moving would be cool -- I'll keep working on that.

Everyone comments on how strong I am. I'm kinda little so I think it surprises them how much torso and neck control I have. Hardly wobbly at all.

I enjoy my play mat, my kicking gym, my bumbo and my various chairs, particularly those that give me a tushy shake! I'm talking a lot, giggling, blowing raspberries. I love to gnaw on my hands and even suck my thumb some. I'm drooling like a faucet.

I love my big brother and also really anyone who will coo and talk at me. I let others hold me without protest (usually) and love to play with my soft blocks.

Ok, time for me to move on to the next activity!!

Welcome to the Betty Ford Center For the Treatment of the Swaddle Addicted.

We're in swaddle detox here, and it is hell. My formerly lovely sleeper, who was always put down awake, now requires Mommy to hold him until he is fast asleep. Ugh.

Here's the story. I'm a big fan of swaddling and frankly didn't care how long we did it. I felt that if Ryan could eventually find a wife who would swaddle him every night, more power to him. But that all changed.

First, he was busting out, even from the Miracle Blanket (aka Baby Straightjacket). So I bought a larger "swaddleme" and it kept him better contained, but he would still get an arm through now and then, and get it stuck, and require assistance.

But the other day, after waking up 45 minutes after going down from his nap I tried to sneak in to reinsert the binky to be met with the back of his head. Yep - he flipped over, still completely swaddled. And because his arms were pinned, he couldn't really get his head up. Holy SIDS scare batman. So that was the last time he was swaddled, we have since gone cold turkey.

Ryan was not pleased at this dramatic switch in his life, and has let us know. He is not only mad he isn't wrapped up nice and tight, but his flailing arms knock the &*(&% binky out of his mouth. And before that meant that one of us just popped the binky back in, and that was it. No more. Now he wants me to be the Human Swaddle.

If he were 5 months I'd just let him work it out, but he's just too young now. So I'm caught between a rock and a hard place, trying to get him to go to sleep on his own, like he always did, and trying to have him sleep and respect that he's just a tiny thing and needs help.

Oh, and did I mention Andrew's night terrors? Those are fun. He gets possessed, cries or screams for 20 minutes or so, then yawns, rolls over and is soundly sleeping. He doesn't wake, doesn't recognize that we're there (his eyes are open). You're not supposed to wake them, just let it run its course. Delightful. It happens when he's overtired, and as he's not a consistent napper anymore, that happens. Also happened for days after his last uber-fun grandparent visit where he got to stay up too late, etc.

Someday, yes someday, all 4 of us will sleep for 8 uninterrupted hours. Someday.

Our Fourth

Flossmoor has a great kids parade each year, so that was what we did. Like last year, we went to his buddy Declan's house first, and they got ready together, then the boys rode thier bikes, and we all walked over to the Jr. High to line up for the festivities. There are hundreds of kids for this event, and of course most of their parents as well.




Ryan rode in his carseat, with lame decorations, but that's fine. His big moment came later when we went swimming -- Ryan too!

Not a great picture -- all I had was my phone. We got in slowly but he loved it. Until he decided to taste the water, then he got fussy. I've ordered a bjorn-like thing that is for use in water so that should be fun.

The pool we go to is the JCC, where we got a summer membership and Andrew goes to camp. Its great there, people are friendly, lifeguards are helpful, and the pool is warm and quiet. I think Andrew prefers the busy kid pool at the park district more than the kid pool here (which would be fine if there was ever another kid!) but I certainly prefer the JCC.